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Besides love, we also need some wisdom to help us navigate the truths and false stories about ourselves and others that come to the surface as we search for authentic connection in this extremely artificial environment. Yael Shy, author of What Now? Meditation for Your Twenties and Beyond , offers her this advice on the four noble truths of dating. Finally, there is a path to rediscovering that love and connection, which is the fourth noble truth.
Next is wise intention —what are your intentions for dating?
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As Lindsay and her friend set out to investigate the dharma of online dating, Susan chimed with some ideas. In online dating, we are taking our vulnerable parts and putting it all out there for people who could be the flakiest people ever. How do we navigate that and not take it personally? There is no way to not take all of it personally. This is the most personal space, period. If anyone is looking for a way to not be hurt by pain, I would say that the Buddhist view is not the place to look.
Pain hurts. Joy uplifts. There is no way to be vulnerable and safe at the same time. Relationships are not for everyone. They require an ongoing willingness to not-know, to be open, to be thrilled, bored, confounded delighted… to take chances and put it all on the line. If you are willing to do that, it would be good to cultivate skills like presence, patience, kindness, insight, and true wisdom.
If you are not, that is a totally reasonable choice. Have love affairs.
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